Day 2: Online Shopping Fast

Hand lettering by Lisbet Boudens

Hand lettering by Lisbet Boudens

When I told someone about my 30-day online shopping fast they said, “Good luck with all the temptation.”

My son spent six weeks off the grid in Ecuador and said he didn’t miss the Internet at all while he was there. But as soon as he returned to the States he found himself back on the net watching Youtube videos and playing games.

I can relate to the desire to spend time in a place where there’s no Internet and therefore no way to relapse.

Sometimes I think it’s necessary to take yourself out of an environment that working on you in a negative way. I prefer not to go this route because at some point I’m going to have to re-enter the world and deal with it.

On the other hand, there are usually things I can do to alter my current environment. I’m a big believer in creating environments that “work on me” in positive ways. This is something I learned from one of my coaching instructors, Thomas J. Leonard, that rather than rely on our own will power, why not change our environment to support the change we want to be?

It’s an intriguing idea and in most cases one that’s underutilized.

After writing yesterday’s blog post, I checked my email and found three holiday promotions. I don’t subscribe to many retailer updates because the most retailers send daily updates (I don’t get why anyone would want daily updates from any company let alone the Gap or Saks Fifth Avenue). But there’s a handful of retail newsletters that still find there way into my inbox.

So when those emails show up, I’m unsubscribing.

Retailers whose updates I canceled yesterday:

  • Fancy
  • Kate Spade Saturdays
  • Blog Lovin
  • IKEA
  • Klury
  • Marimekko
  • House Industries (a typography studio which also happens to sell some really cool products…love the company and their products but at the moment it’s too easy to get lost on their website not to mention take off to visit partner sites).
  • Cuyana (another retailer I appreciate but don’t need the temptation)

At one point I was setting my Gmail filter so emails from retailers went directly into the trash. But I found myself actually going to my trash folder and moving these emails to my inbox.

That’s why I need to stop getting the emails entirely.

One good question is why do I feel so compelled to shop online to begin with? Good topic to think about and perhaps address in a blog post.

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Online Shopping “Fast” – Day 1

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For a while now I’ve been thinking about the power of habits.

The word “habit” comes from the Latin word habitus —  condition, character, demeanor. The root meaning is “to hold,” which can be either in offering or in taking. Applied in Latin to both inner and outer states of being.  Habit can also meaning “to dwell” (habitat) and “to dress” (a nun’s habit).

The modern use of the word, habit, as a “customary practice” began 700 years ago. I’m guessing it evolved out of religious practice because religion was such a huge cultural influence at the time; it was important to know the time of day so you knew what prayers to say.

What’s interesting to me is how “habit” in Latin could refer to both the inner and outer states of being. The Romans placed great importance on character and bearing. That what was inside shaped your appearance.

I like that idea because I’ve been focusing on what’s inside…my values…when it comes to influencing my decisions, and actions.  This is often very challenging because outside influences can be so strong.

Part of this shift has been to spend less time on the Internet. I find it’s easy to lose, literally, hours by surfing without much purpose. It’s also easy for me to become obsessive and the obsession can feel like a purpose.

For example (this feels really embarrassing) yesterday I got the idea that I should find a scarf I saw for sale on Amazon.com earlier in the year. It was a nice scarf. As I recall it had a hummingbird or a dragonfly motif and came in two colors: black and amber. All of the sudden it seemed absolutely essential to my happiness that I find that scarf and buy it.

After I spent an hour trying to find the scarf on Amazon.com. I searched Google and finally tried to find it by using the Wayback Machine to look at the scarves Amazon.com sold back in January and February.

I probably would have spent the entire evening trying to find this scarf if I didn’t need to start working on dinner.

So you could say I’ve developed a bad habit of obsessively searching the Internet for things that aren’t very important and I may add which aren’t bringing anything useful into my life. If I were a researcher or detective this might serve me but even then, you have to know when to quit because at some point, the possible benefits of the search are outweighed by the normal activities of life.

I’m thinking about committing a 30-day period to “unmaking” habits that no longer serve me. The habit of shopping online feels especially pernicious lately. There are lots of good reasons for doing a 30-day online shopping “fast.”

  1. I don’t need most of the things I buy online. I have more than enough clothes, office supplies, books, etc.
  2. Most of what I can buy online can be bought in the bricks and mortar world.
  3. There are other things I’d rather spend the money on.
  4. It takes up huge chucks of time finding things, trying on clothes, and then returning what I don’t like.
  5. It occupies my mind and when that happens I’m no longer mindful. In fact I often find I’m in a kind of “fugue state” when feels uncomfortably close to an addictive state.

These are pretty compelling reasons to go on e 30-day “fast.”

I also find that regardless of my success, the effort to change a habit is often enlightening. It’s hard to know the obstacles until you go on the journey.

So I’m going to consider today, Day 1 of my online shopping fast.

I’ll write about my experience on a daily basis as a way to keep accountable and so I can share what I learn with others.

 

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Adventures in Transition

I feel I’ve been “in transition” since last December when I realized I wasn’t sure what was next for my business and rather than force myself to choose something, anything to develop and monetize, I did nothing.

Prior to this, I always had projects “in queue” to work on. In fact I’ve consistently had clients to work with.

In some ways not pushing forward has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I don’t like “sitting still.” I don’t like feeling as though nothing I’m doing is actually “counting” towards anything. Or if the things I’m doing are contributing, it’s not clear to me how they are making a difference.

Two things I’ve found challenging especially have been taking time to contemplate and doing things just because I enjoy doing them.

It’s challenging because there’s always stuff to do. When I woke up this morning, well actually just about every morning when I wake up, I feel anxiety and apprehension because I feel so unfocused!!

Again, I have plenty of things to do. De-cluttering my office and home is still a monster project. I could easily spend every minute today, tomorrow, and probably the next two months cleaning and organizing my office.

But what pulls at me is that I’m being a perfectionist and that my perfectionism is one of my ways to avoid quiet time and joy time.

I’ve also realized that although I talk a lot about having fun, and playing, I do very little of it.

I’m not even sure what I would actually do to just have fun!

The immediate prompting that came up for me after i wrote the sentence was “easy does it.” Meaning rather than making having fun being about spending a day on rollercoasters, could I spend an hour doing something I like?

“Taking it easy” is a new concept for me because most of the time when I commit to something I do with my whole body. I rarely dip my toe in to see if I like the water.

Another idea that has been on my mind this morning has been the notion that “life is happening.”

Because I know when I’m in transition, I tend to feel like my life is in some strange state of stasis while I’m waiting to have what I really want. It’s always been “when I finally …

  • have a boyfriend
  • have a “real” job
  • get married
  • have kids
  • buy a house
  • am making six-figures in my business
  • am an empty nester
  • etc, etc.

And it’s only after I’ve achieved the next thing that I can finally feel satisfied. I think this is one of the reasons transitions are so challenging for me.

At the same time, I’m finally beginning to realize that actually, no, life doesn’t go into any kind of stasis. That every minute that ticks by I’m one minute closer to my death.  I’m not writing that to be morbid. It’s the truth.

I also have come to accept that there may very well be no “afterlife” in which my consciousness continues on. At least not in the form of “Judy.” And that I’m not going to be in some celestial heaven gazing down lovingly on earth. Or perhaps working some kind of divine interference on the planet. I’m not going to be someone’s fairy godmother.

If my essential energy carries on in some fashion I don’t think my life here is going to mean much. I believe whatever meaning my life here has is created while I’m here. After I’m dead, that adventure is over and done.

I guess I’ve come to the conclusion that the universe is too vast a place and that what happens here is a very small mote in the grand scheme. Funny that I had to expand and grow as a person to finally begin to hold this point of view.

And it doesn’t matter if I’m wrong. I think it’s far better to look at this life as mattering as much as possible and not assuming I can coast or blow things off until I finally get a crack at a life that really matters.

I’m finding it challenging this morning to write a lot. There are days when I write thousands of words. But that’s probably because I’m writing from my mind and my mind is a chatterbox. I’m writing more from my heart this morning and my heart doesn’t use words much and when it does it uses words very sparingly and directly.

What my heart wants most is connection to other hearts. Meaningful connection with other hearts in which the Divine spark is shared and appreciated. When that happens that is the joy for me. That is the real satisfaction and pleasure for me. I’m glad I’ll be meeting with Karen and Lynn later today because I have that with them. I’m lucky to have people in my life in which I consistently get to experience that connection.

I think it’s also why I’ve grown so tired of email and social media connections on the Internet. Because there is the promise of that connection but it’s is very rarely present.

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Expansive Question #5. Receiving

Joy

Am I feeling joyful right now?

If not, what can I do or be to have more joy right away?

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2/13/13 Celebrate Successes!

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Successes large and small that I’m celebrating Today!

  1. Really enjoyed the consultation I did in the morning.
  2. Thought Matt might have something worse than the flu and got him tested. He’s fine thank goodness.
  3. Add changes to my one-page consulting package flyer that George and I discussed last week. It’s looking really good and I can start giving them to people who are interested in my consulting services.
  4. With all the stuff going on yesterday I still got in a 30-minute workout on the elliptical.
  5. Watched a funny TV show with Michael. It was the perfect way to end my day on a light note.
  6. Decided I’m going to charge a small fee for my 45-minute consult so I feel really fantastic about doing the sessions.
  7. Had a lot of clarity around a client issue that was really bugging me. Realized that it wasn’t lack of solid deliverables but inner game issues that derailed the project. 
  8. Emailed client on the perceived issues and agenda for our meeting next week.
  9. Decided that it’s time to move on with the mastermind group. I’m feeling clear and happy about my decision.

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2/13/13 Daily Vitamin G(ratitude)

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Things I’m truly grateful for today:

  1. Disappointments because when I’m disappointed it means I just got what I didn’t want and I can now define what I DO want and go out and get that instead.
  2. The distinction between focus on what I want to have versus what I lack. If I feel good I’m focusing on what I desire. If I feel bad (apprehensive, angry, resentful, etc) I’m thinking about what I lack.
  3. Matt isn’t seriously ill. I was worried that he might have a strep throat or mono. He doesn’t have either.
  4. There are funny movies, TV shows, and books to read that make me laugh and cheer me up.
  5. Inky and Gus my two awesome kitties
  6. Being married to my husband, Michael Murdoch.
  7. The many sweet messages I received from friends and relatives who wished me a Happy Birthday. I really felt my heart warming reading the messages and feeling the energy that was in them.
  8. When I work in the attic the cats like to hang out with me.
  9. Today is starting beautiful and sunny.
  10. Looking forward to talking with Marci this afternoon about my website. I’m really excited about it going live!

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2/9/13 Celebrate Successes!

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Successes large and small that I’m celebrating Today!

  1. Donating all of the old Real Simple magazines sitting in my office!
  2. Completed my Secret Rebel assessment and I’m very excited about how it’s working out.
  3. My website goes live next week! Thursday, 2/14.
  4. Good sessions with two clients on Thursday.
  5. Worked on the elliptical for 30 minutes on Thursday and Friday last week.
  6. Rewrote my one-on-one coaching packages so they now feel a lot more attractive to me.
  7. Great support from Kristin Luce re how my assessment is shaping up.
  8. Had three very helpful and valuable one on one consultations last week.
  9. I’ve already gotten some great, very helpful comments from a few people who have taken the Secret Rebel Assessment. Yay!
  10. Completed listening to the Your Wish is Your Command CD series.

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2/9/13 Daily Vitamin G(ratitude)

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Things I’m truly grateful for today:

  1. It’s Saturday! The weekend. I love weekends!
  2. Ashi helped me clear out a lot of stuff that I was unwilling to throw out.
  3. My two feet.
  4. My eyes.
  5. My ears that work pretty well.
  6. Being married to my husband, Michael Murdoch.
  7. It’s snowing just a little but when it snows it feels cozy sitting up here working.
  8. Inky and Gus are up here hanging out with me.
  9. Got a really good night’s sleep last night.
  10. My son, Matt Murdoch is healthy.
  11. My two cats, Inky and Gus are healthy. Still young and energetic.

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Expansive Question #4. Creating Possibilities

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“Every judgment eliminates the capacity to perceive anything that does not match it.”

Gary Douglas, Access Consciouness, “Happiness is Just a Choice”

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Expansive Question #14. Actualize What You Desire

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What am I refusing to be today that would give me everything I desire right away?

From Access Consciousness, Happiness is Just a Choice

 

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