Tag Archives: Celebration

Day 14: Radical Forgiveness


Yesterday I completed the Radical Forgiveness process for another situation that was consuming a lot of my energy and thoughts.

The one situation that causes me more distress than just about any other is when I disappoint someone I respect and care about. I had some real concerns about whether the Radical Forgiveness process would “work” because my feelings were so intense at the time.

The Radical Forgiveness process breaks out into three parts:

  1. Telling the story from the victim perspective. (I need to forgive someone for doing something to me)
  2. “Collapsing” the story. In this section you spend some time reframing the story to see if there is a way to step out of being a victim. For example, looking at the facts and how I interpreted the facts. I also begin to consider that there may be a gift in what has happened and the nature of that gift.
  3. Radical Forgiveness. This is where I am able to actually tell the story from the perspective that there is perfection in what happened and to actually heal the hurts. This is where I go from being a victim to being fully healed.

As I did parts 1 and 2, I realized just how much emotional pain was triggered. So, so much! By the time I finished writing the story and writing about the emotions I was feeling I was pretty wound up energetically. I was absolutely open to the possibility of reframing the situation (which is really good because sometimes I’m reluctant to give up some old stories) but skeptical all that negativity could be shifted beyond feeling some relief from the intensity.

But as I finished part 2 and began part 3 I found myself letting go of the negative feelings and actually feeling peace and a desire for reconciliation. I was able to stop seeing myself as a victim and no longer had the urge (a really strong urge) to share my story with other people in order to get their sympathy and agreement.

One of the “requirements” for Radical Forgiveness to work is to really feel the feelings. Not gloss over them. Not say “it’s not so bad,” but really feel them fully. I was wondering whether I was letting myself do this because I can stuff feelings and say “I’m fine” because I don’t want to bring my shit into other situations.

But by the end of the process I actually felt slightly nauseous from all the anger and hurt and sadness that came up in the first part and I also felt a lot of relief. It felt like a really intense physical workout.

When I was complete I felt I had returned to a state of emotional equilibrium and as though I could ride up and down with whatever came at me. I went downstairs and spent the rest of the evening with my family.

So the “Huzzah” is because this process worked for me. It is a transformative process and in my case it enabled me to stop worrying over an upsetting situation to to be fully present for the remainder of the day. This is a great gift for me.

It isn’t what I would call a fun or easy process. It isn’t fun or easy feeling those feelings. I’m not feeling excited about going through the process again today to address a different issue.

I think, however, it will get easier because I’m not just venting…I’m healing so some of the emotions will become less daunting in time. There are also other tools I can use in addition to a written worksheet such as doing the process as drawings.

Finally there are rituals such as burning the written worksheets which I think will give me a greater sense of meaning and release.

I also want to look into groups and communities because I think this is a lot to take on alone. Having other people who are doing similar work to share my experiences with will help and I imagine other people will have some good ideas and suggestions to integrating the process more.

Today I’m delighted and celebrating what feels like an accomplishment that paid off in the best possible way.


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Day 12: Radical Forgiveness – First Completed Process

Young Girl Wearing Fairy Costume in Mid Air

Today I completed the forgiveness process for a situation that was troubling me…bringing up the “Big Three” negative emotions: sadness, fear, and anger.

There are a number of ways to go through the radical forgiveness process. The method I used was to complete a radical forgiveness worksheet.

Initially when I began my 30 days of radical forgiveness I thought I would complete one worksheet a day. But in this case It’s taken me 12 days to complete one worksheet. One reason is the situation that triggers the need to complete a worksheet is rarely in isolation. Usually there’s a a whole string of previous situations that are very similar which occurred in the past and I found myself not just writing and processing the immediate issue but seeing patterns and having insights related to those past events.

The whole point of radical forgiveness is to heal those hurts and transform the beliefs which are interpretations of facts into the truth: that I am here to experience these situations and heal the resulting hurts. Not to carry the wounds around and feel the pain every time a similar situation arises. In fact, the idea behind radical forgiveness is that my higher self will continue creating these situations until I have fully healed and can move on.

I have no illusions that healing one trigger will make my life perfect. I’m sure there are other situations that will trigger this belief or perhaps a different belief I didn’t realize I was holding but at least this particular situation will no longer carry a charge for me.

As I write this I feel the process has worked! The situation for which I was seeking relief is no longer creating emotional distress. I don’t feel any resentment or disappointment.

A couple other issues have come up and this time i’m going to try doing worksheets on each with the intention of completing the process faster. However, I want to give the process the time needed and if it takes me another 12 days, that’s what it will take.

There’s a Radical Living community created by the author of Radical Forgiveness, Colin Tipping, for people who are interested in being part of a larger group of people committed to living the radical forgiveness principles. I feel intrigued about this community and I’m thinking about checking it out perhaps after I’ve gone through the process a few more times and don’t feel quite so overwhelmed with learning and integrating the ideas.

Being a perfectionist and someone who has high expectations of what I should be accomplishing, I’m aware of how I’m already thinkig about all the things I want to accomplish in the future so I want to end this by writing what Colin Tipping wrote about the final step in the Radical Forgiveness worksheet:

“Remember all forgiveness starts as a lie. You begin the process without forgiveness in your heart, and you fake it until you make it. So honor yourself for doing it, yet by gentle with yourself and let the forgiveness process take as long as you need it to. Be patient with yourself. Acknowledge yourself for the courage it takes simply to attempt to complete the Radical Forgiveness worksheet, for you truly face your demons in the process. Doing this work takes enormous courage, willingness, and faith.”

Radical Forgiveness, © 2009 Colin Tipping

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Day 8: Kicking the Online Shopping Habit

photo: Jez Page

photo: Jez Page

A Raging Case of Perfectionism

One of my measures of success is waking up in the morning and feeling excited about the upcoming day.

I usually wake up with a sense of dread and anxiety that feel like a low-grade fever. The feelings aren’t so strong that they interfere with my ability to function but enough so that I’d rather stay in bed and sleep late.

I was going to write that a raging case of perfectionism isn’t as bad as a raging case of herpes but I realized a raging case of herpes would be better because there are straightforward treatments for herpes. Perfectionism is something that I think our culture actually encourages in subtle ways.

But I’m not going to write about culture because I always have a choice in terms of what I allow to influence me. I’m going to write about why I’ve chosen perfectionism and how it messes with me and my efforts to do things differently.

I’m going to go back for a moment to the idea of looking forward to the day.

When I was a kid, maybe 7 or 8 years old, I usually looked forward to the day, especially during summer vacation. In the town where I grew up there was an awesome swimming pool that was maybe a 10 minute walk from my home. It was actually 4 swimming pools: one for teenagers, one for adults, one for kids, and one for kids who proved they could swim. My sisters and I would eat breakfast and change into our bathing suits. Then we’d pick up our friends who lived across the street and walk to the pool.

I grew up in the Midwest. We lived close to Chicago and midwestern summers can be really hot and humid. So we were happy to spend our day at the pool. We’d usually take a break and get lunch then we’d head back to the pool. Sometimes we’d even go back after dinner.

If we didn’t go to the pool we’d ride our bikes or play games. If it was raining we’d play games inside or go to the library. I don’t remember being unhappy or bored very often. There was just too many fun things to do. I liked to draw and color and sometimes I’d work on crafty projects like needlepoint or knitting. Sometimes we’d just walk along the creek and look for snakes and muskrats. If we found a caterpillar we might put it in a jar with a stick and feed it leaves to see if it would spin a cocoon.

So I would say my childhood wasn’t unusual but it was a lot of fun and there were lots of simple things that I enjoyed.

When I was 11 we moved to a new town where there were more wealthy people and I had a hard time making friends and fitting in. The move felt like a shock to my system. I knew everyone in my old neighborhood and I always had friends to hang out with. In the new neighborhood the kids seemed different. A lot of them belonged to country clubs and their time was more scheduled. They were taking tennis lessons and playing golf and seemed restless when there wasn’t anything to do but hangout. Plus there wasn’t much to do that was within walking distance. If I wanted to go swimming or go to the movies, my mom had to drive me.

Up until 6th grade I didn’t worry about my weight or what I wore. I usually wore pants and a top. Maybe a dress on the first day of school. For a while I wore the same pair of pants to school every day and a lot of the kids made fun of me.

Then one day my mom went to a local department store and bought me a really nice pair of pants, a blouse, and a sweater. Everything fit me perfectly and I wore my new outfit to school the next day. I couldn’t believe how many girls in my class complimented me and told me how nice I looked and how much they liked my outfit. It was the most positive attention I had received since moving and I felt so happy and wonderful getting that recognition.

It’s funny because I was the exact same person I had been 24 hours earlier when I was wearing my dark red pants. It was like the new outfit transformed me in the eyes of the other girls into someone elegant, cool, and admirable! I love the attention and I loved belonging.

The other girls began inviting me to their parties and even though I found I wasn’t as comfortable as I was with my friends from my old town, it still felt good that other kids wanted to be with me.

I began reading Seventeen magazine to learn about fashion and started choosing my own clothes. I started buying makeup and perfume at the drugstore. When a huge mall opened near my house, I went every weekend with my friends and was always looking at the new fashions being shown.

When I turned 16 I started working part time and I’d spend all my money on clothes and makeup.

I was a teenager in the 1970’s and being thin was the look. It wasn’t different from the 1960s which was more about being natural. In the 1970’s it was being thin and elegant so you could wear designer jeans and slinky tops. Although I was never “fat,” I definitely didn’t have the kind of figure that looked good in designer jeans and slinky tops. I was kind of chubby-looking and in most of the pictures taken of me at that time I look uncomfortable and confined in my jeans and blouses.

I decided that I was going to go on a diet and take on the weight problem once and for all. My mom was always watching her weight and worrying about my dad’s weight so it was easy, even encouraged to go on a diet. The problem was once I started losing weight and getting complimented for how good I looked I decided that if losing 10 pounds was good, losing 20 pounds would be even better.

My diet turned into a full-blown eating disorder. I had anorexia and I found I couldn’t just lose a few pounds and maintain that weight lose. I developed this deep fear that if I gained any weight I’d never stop gaining. To keep off the weight I developed these elaborate rituals around food which is pretty common in anorexia.

I had foods I would eat in certain orders at certain times and if I broke any of these rituals I would freak out because I was sure it would lead to massive weight gain.

That’s when my perfectionism really kicked into high gear. Most of my energy went into food and clothes and keeping my bedroom neat. When I went to college, the perfectionism expanded to include my study habits and grades. Looking back what I had done was to create a very comfortable prison cell to live in. I was lonely, isolated, and living a very one-dimensional life but it was predictable and under my control. I had no real friends but that was ok because friends were too unpredictable and caused problems. I had no boyfriends and made no efforts to meet men because if girlfriends were a distraction, men were a major distraction.

Plus my appearance was not exactly what most men were attracted to unless they had a freaky side. But it didn’t matter. Even if someone was interested, I would have be oblivious.

I’ve written a lot. I think mostly to look at how I went from being someone who enjoyed her life to someone who is constantly anxious and slightly depressed. I’m seeing that becoming a perfectionist made sense because it seemed to be an answer to how I could feel happier and better about myself at one time in my life. But ultimately like most things it became a problem when I was ready to grow past it.

I’m going to write more about perfectionism tomorrow and how it shows up in my life currently.

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Day 7: Kicking the Online Shopping Habit

Be the Change You Want to See in the World

Be the Change You Want to See in the World

One week anniversary. Hooha!

I’m going to use some of this found time to declutter.

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2/13/13 Celebrate Successes!


Successes large and small that I’m celebrating Today!

  1. Really enjoyed the consultation I did in the morning.
  2. Thought Matt might have something worse than the flu and got him tested. He’s fine thank goodness.
  3. Add changes to my one-page consulting package flyer that George and I discussed last week. It’s looking really good and I can start giving them to people who are interested in my consulting services.
  4. With all the stuff going on yesterday I still got in a 30-minute workout on the elliptical.
  5. Watched a funny TV show with Michael. It was the perfect way to end my day on a light note.
  6. Decided I’m going to charge a small fee for my 45-minute consult so I feel really fantastic about doing the sessions.
  7. Had a lot of clarity around a client issue that was really bugging me. Realized that it wasn’t lack of solid deliverables but inner game issues that derailed the project. 
  8. Emailed client on the perceived issues and agenda for our meeting next week.
  9. Decided that it’s time to move on with the mastermind group. I’m feeling clear and happy about my decision.

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2/9/13 Celebrate Successes!


Successes large and small that I’m celebrating Today!

  1. Donating all of the old Real Simple magazines sitting in my office!
  2. Completed my Secret Rebel assessment and I’m very excited about how it’s working out.
  3. My website goes live next week! Thursday, 2/14.
  4. Good sessions with two clients on Thursday.
  5. Worked on the elliptical for 30 minutes on Thursday and Friday last week.
  6. Rewrote my one-on-one coaching packages so they now feel a lot more attractive to me.
  7. Great support from Kristin Luce re how my assessment is shaping up.
  8. Had three very helpful and valuable one on one consultations last week.
  9. I’ve already gotten some great, very helpful comments from a few people who have taken the Secret Rebel Assessment. Yay!
  10. Completed listening to the Your Wish is Your Command CD series.

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2/4/13 Celebrate Successes!


Successes large and small that I’m celebrating Today!

  1. 99% of the stuff in my “Scan” box has been scanned and thrown into the recycling bin!
  2. Got through all the files I sent to Shoeboxed and it looks like everything got scanned.
  3. Exported scanned files into files on my hard drive so I have a document image if I need it.
  4. Sent a bunch of junk mail request to Paper Karma to discontinue the mailings.
  5. Worked on the elliptical for 40 minutes.
  6. Took Matt out to drive for 45 minutes without completely freaking out.
  7. Michael and Matthew liked the BBQ ribs I got for them.
  8. Ashi and I are working out an agreement to work together: I’ll get her guidance to clear away all the clutter in my office and she’ll get marketing assistance that will enable her to reach a larger audience.
  9. Keli Conci and I have also worked out an agreement to work together.
  10. I have two perfect clients already!! How does it get even better than that!!

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2/2/13 Celebrate Successes!


Successes large and small that I’m celebrating Today!

  1. I like the women in my mastermind group. All of them. I was worried about this but now I’m not. Now I feel excited to be spending the next six months with them!
  2. Three people have scheduled Quick Ignition sessions. I’m very excited about this!
  3. I added the Quick Ignition session offer to the signature of my email.
  4. George used my one-page offer as an example to show the mastermind an example of a one-page offer.
  5. Allowed myself to relax yesterday.
  6. Got all my errands completed on Thursday.
  7. I’m excited about the accountability buddy I’m working with.
  8. I have a sense of momentum in my business that things are happening with a certain level of ease rather than depending on me to push things forward (which is always such a miserable state to be in).
  9. I think I’ve at least partially solved the issue of storing my scarves which are difficult to fold neatly in a box. I bought some clear plastic containers used to package bottles of wine in and I think rolling scarves around unbleached fabric will be easier than struggling to get them to fold neatly. In addition, rolling versus folding is probably safer for delicate silks.

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1/31/13 Celebrate Successes!


Successes large and small that I’m celebrating Today!

  1. Listened for 20-minutes to “Your Wish is Your Command.”
  2. Completing my first Quick Ignition consult.
  3. I have a large list of people I’d like to do a Quick Ignition consultation with.
  4. Completed a very attractive one page description of my new coaching packages.
  5. Cut down 5 shoesboxes so I’m making some headway with cleaning my office!
  6. Completed some of my strength training sets.
  7. The image for my Secret Rebel assessment is completed.
  8. I added a free consultation offer to my email signature (removed the old Mojo Money Box offer)
  9. Have some ideas for creating a “Magic Mojo Mondays” logo for what will be my ongoing radio show.

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1/30/13 Celebrate Successes!

 Colorful Balloons Tied with Ribbon

Successes large and small that I’m celebrating Today!

  1. My offers for: Magic Mojo Mondays! Free consultation, and newsletter subscriptions are up and ready.
  2. Completed aerobics on the elliptical.
  3. Had a great consultation with Ashi on how to make my office space one which I really love working in. Reminded me of how important workspace is to my overall happiness and success.
  4. Saying goodbye to the shoeboxes that have been sitting in the attic now for months.
  5. Had a great consultation session with Keli Conci (Krazy K)!
  6. Final image from Randy Wall is in so my website is now this much closer to being complete!
  7. Very powerful session with Kristin Luce asking the question “Who would I be and how would I show up if I didn’t have the thought: “I need people to ‘get’ me.” Helped me realize how much more effective I am when whether or not people really “get” me. It’s the difference between having resistance and simply being in knowing because when I don’t need people to get me I can be in allowance of them. It’s incredibly freeing!
  8. About halfway through the third CD of Your Wish is Your Command. Learning a lot of useful shit.
  9. Part of me is angry with myself for wasting so much time this morning. I’m going to celebrate the fact that I still have 3 1/2 hours to work and that I stopped messing around when I did.

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