As I continue to define the kind of business I want to have and my purpose for having a business, the tool I’m finding most helpful is to ask myself periodically, am I doing this from a place of Love or a place of Lack?
I created this card as a prompt to keep asking this question because it’s so important.
Filed under Getting Out of My Own Way
There’s a scene in the television show, Breaking Bad, where the character, Jessie is talking with his younger brother, Jake. Jessie was always the “bad kid”–not applying himself in school, doing drugs, and hanging out with a bad crowd. Eventually his parents do “tough love” and kick Jessie out.
Jake on the other hand is the the “good kid”–he’s only 12 but is already recognized as a star by his parents and teachers. In fact, one of the main reasons, Jessie was kicked out was to protect Jake from Jessie’s bad influence.
In the scene, Jessie is telling Jake to stay clean because he’s going to make something of his life (unlike Jessie). It’s like the only kid their parents see is Jake. Jessie might as well be invisible.
“Are you kidding?” Jake says, “All mom and dad ever talk about is you.”
Everyone wants attention and recognition. Kids want to be recognized by their parents for their unique talents and achievements. As adults we want to be noticed and recognized by people we respect; our bosses, clients, friends, and family.
Although we’re always told the way to get that attention and recognition is to be exceptionally accomplished, in practice, the people who get the most attention are the “bad kids.”
I was a troublemaker in my family and it got me attention but it didn’t get me what I really wanted. That’s what what I’m writing about here.
Filed under Getting Out of My Own Way
I have been in the habit of seeing what’s wrong about any situation, idea, thing, etc. for most of my life.
Why? I think there was a time when it was a “squeaky wheel gets the grease” strategy. Unhappy, misbehaving kids tend to get more attention than happy, obedient children.
And apparently, Enneagram 4’s tend to focus in on what’s wrong or missing. We’re more likely to be hard wired to “hope for the best but expect the worst.” If there was ever a recipe for a life of disappointment and regret, that’s it in a nutshell.
So what can I do to create a habit of seeing what’s right?
Filed under Getting Out of My Own Way
I asked my coach, Lynn Ellis, to share some creative ideas for appreciating my strengths as an Enneagram 4.
Here are a few of my favorites:
Filed under Getting Out of My Own Way
Yesterday, a friend forwarded a promotion to me from a coach we both knew. The cost of this coach’s program was in the thousands of dollars; a far higher price than I’ve ever considered charging.
But it wasn’t just what this coach was charging. Hearing the coach’s name, I’ll call her “Iris” brought up all kinds of feelings and memories for me. None of the them good ones.
Filed under Getting Out of My Own Way
No one enjoys rejection but I seem to go out of my way to avoid rejection.
I didn’t always see myself this way. I used to see myself as more in the middle when it came to handling situations in which rejection was likely. I’ve experienced quite a bit of rejection and I’ve always been able to bounce back.
But in retrospect I’m not sure I’ve bounced back. I think what I’ve really been doing is using some old coping tricks which work to a degree but have also kept me stuck and, in a way, imprisoned.
Which naturally raises the question, why would anyone willingly keep themselves in imprisoned?
Filed under Enneagram Type 4, Getting Out of My Own Way
Last week I didn’t write much because I had The Cold from Hell. My son, who gave it to me, kept assuring me that it wouldn’t last long. He was right but those were three days of pure misery, I went through 4 boxes of Kleenexes and a small bottle of ibuprofen.
It feels so good to breath through my nose again!
I’m going to look at ways I can trip myself up as an Enneagram 4.
Filed under Enneagram Type 4, Getting Out of My Own Way
One thing that has emerged for me is how important it is for me to appreciate my own gifts.
It seems that I have been in this weird space of desiring recognition from others in order to feel what I do best is somehow legitimatized.
But I’ve taken the “marketplace” acceptance piece too far. I think I’m so skeptical of my own value that I’ve placed the burden on outside recognition and that doesn’t work.
Today I’m exploring how to change this so that I am my own best champion.
Filed under Enneagram Type 4
Most of us have some kind of bête noire that seems hang over us during at least some point in our lives. Enneagram Type 4’s tend towards what I call “The Doom Loop of Longing for Love but Never Good Enough to Have It.”
I’m exaggerating my language a little to keep this light. When I talk about shortcomings I can get heavy very quickly.
Filed under Enneagram Type 4
This week I’m focusing on using self-observation to more clearly see where I tend to self-sabotage and get in my own way.
To begin, however, I want to write about the natural strengths persons who are Enneagram type 4s. My reason is so often I dwell on what I’m struggling with and it can begin feeling pretty heavy after a while. It feels like a good idea to begin with looking at what’s right.
Continue reading
Filed under Appreciation, Enneagram Type 4, Work and Joy
