Sometimes I can chase a particular idea down a rabbit hole and get so caught up that I don’t notice I’m gotten completely off my intended path. Thank goodness I have people in my life who grab me by the belt before I completely disappear.
This was the case when I was talking with my coach last week about how I would know I was “on purpose” with my work. When it comes to work and career, I have a tendency to get easily side tracked by my social self and commit to work that “looks and sounds right” but doesn’t nourish my heart at all.
I was trying to explain why I was having trouble committing fully to a particular career path.
“I love creating information products but It’s important that people actually use the things I create and get results,” I insisted. “I feel sad and frustrated when it seems like people aren’t using my products.”
“Do you have control over whether or not people use your products?” asked my coach.
“No,” I said, confused, “But what does it matter? I want to make a difference through my work. If people aren’t doing anything with my products, how am I making a difference?”
“And,” I added, “How will I make money if people aren’t using my products and getting results? The value they get is based on getting positive results. Why would they buy my products otherwise?”
I just couldn’t see a way around this.
My coach asked me another question: “At one point when we discussed your work, you told me your greatest desire was to be a channel for your Higher Power so that your work was an expression of Divine Love. Is this still true for you?”
“Absolutely,” I said.
“If you know you’re being a channel, then does it matter whether or not people are using the stuff you create?”
This has been a touch question for me most of my life. It creates a lot of internal conflict.
On the one hand, there’s a part of me that believes that what is done with love and excellence cannot help but make a difference in the world. How can anything that is a true expression of Divine Love not?
On the other hand, I have a practical, worried side that is asking, “But don’t you need to package what you create? Don’t you need to make sure there’s actually demand for what you’re creating?”
I’ve been listening to the latter voice al my life and doing what it advises and I can’t say I’ve made very fulfilling choices work-wise. Some of my work has paid well but I felt entire parts of myself weren’t being expressed. I used to feel having to be someone I’m not was an acceptable price to pay in exchange for earning money.
No I’m asking, can I be fully myself and make enough money to live on?
So I’m slowly beginning to consider what kind of work would not only enable me to earn a living but allow me to feel 100% expressed. This brings up a lot of anxiety and I’m leaning more than ever on spiritual resources like A Course in Miracles so that I can continue choosing what my heart wants rather than giving into my fear.
This is a true, “day at a time” decision at a time journey. I am keeping the faith that if I continue choosing on behalf of my heart the path will take me where I want to be.