One of the toughest things for me to do is to stop judging. For most of my life I’ve taken a lot of pride in what I like to call my “sense of discernment.” It’s like being a connoisseur of whatever I want to be. Mistaking my opinion for expertise.
By definition, an opinion is a judgment but it is a subjective judgment meaning a judgment without much supporting evidence.
When you write a scholarly paper, one of the steps you take is to do a survey of all the research done on the topic about which you’re writing. This is to make sure you take into account previous evidence other people have discovered.
This doesn’t mean opinions aren’t important or valid. I know my emotional responses are important and worthy of taking seriously.
The distinction is an opinion is subjective and usually the result of personal experiences and beliefs. Two people with different experiences and beliefs can see the exact same thing and form very different opinions about that thing.
The visual that comes to mind for me is throwing a rubber ball at a wall. One wall is relatively smooth while the other wall is full of protrusions and odd angles. I think beliefs and experiences are like those rough walls with all kinds of angles and protrusions and each person has a unique “wallscape.”
So how the ball returns to you will vary a lot depending on the wallscape against which you throw it. The way the ball returns is the opinion each person forms.
Judgment can be a delicious addiction. One of my favorite questions to be asked is “Judy, what do you think about …?”
Oh boy! My ego is is rubbing her hands together in glee. And I’ll happily hold forth on the topic. I’ll get indignant and self-righteous. I may not use the word “should” but that word is lurking right below the surface.
And not just when I’m talking about something I don’t like. It’s there when I’m holding forth on something I like because if I like it, everyone else ought to like it as well!
I don’t think having an opinion is a bad thing nor is offering advice and suggestions. One of the most beautiful things humans can do for one another is to offer solutions and advice because I believe we are designed to be interdependent on one another as a reminder that we are not billions of separate bickering little entities in the grand scheme.
The question is: what is the source of the advice or suggestion? Is it our ego which is the part of us primarily concerned with survival? Or is it the Divine working through us?
How do I know?
If my judgment is about making me better than someone else however subtle that may look, it’s ego. This is because my ego wants one thing and that is relief from fear. If I’m better, not just as good but better, there’s good chance I’ll keep, maybe even grow my power and stay in the tribe.
If my judgment is about love, coming from a place of plenty, it’s the Divine working through me. The Divine isn’t worried about my survival. Fear isn’t part of the Divine.
Here’s an example of a suggestion coming from a place of Divine Love. When asked about the conflict in the Middle East, the Dalai Llama said, “People are too emotional. They need to calm down.” I’m paraphrasing a little here but that, in essence is what he said.
Now, the Dalai Llama is not the first person who has said that people need to calm down. It wasn’t what the Dalai Llama said. It wasn’t even the way he said it. It was the place from which his words came.
It was interesting also that the Dalai Llama responded to the question quickly and directly. He didn’t take a minute to contemplate what and how he would answer.
I think this is partly because he probably does spend more time than most of us contemplating these issues but I think it’s also because he spends a good chunk of his day in prayer and meditation when he is open and aware of God. Making himself a clear channel for the expression of God’s Love.
So from my perspective, giving up judgment means not going through my life with my ego holding forth on why I’m so much better and everything and everyone else is so much worse. It means:
- Noticing when I’m in judgment.
- Not participating when other people are.
- Forgiving myself.
- Opening up to Divine Love (which is what I really want to begin with).
- Repeat as necessary.
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