Category Archives: Mindfulness

Day 6: Kicking the Online Shopping Habit

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Is withdrawal beginning to kick in?

I had a sudden mad impulse to start shopping on Michael’s Crafts website. I began wondering, “If I do start shopping, how do I look at that? Can I consider it research?”

But my current rule is: no shopping unless it’s something I truly need and can’t move forward on a project without having. There’s nothing I need when it comes to crafts supplies. In fact, if anything I have too many crafts supplies and end up having to throw things away because inks have dried up or evaporated, papers yellow, blades rust, etc. I can’t even find half the stuff I bought!

So, no. No shopping today for anything.

But I’m beginning to miss it … and I’m not feeling inspired to fill that time with more productive diversions. Uh oh.

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Day 5: Kicking the Online Shopping Habit

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Last night I was up until midnight sorting through “stuff” and putting it away.

Some of this stuff comes from accumulating paper, office supplies, boxes, etc for over ten years without taking the time to periodically toss out things that were outdated, no longer useful, and so on.

Some of this stuff comes from buying things online in a knee jerk fashion without first deciding “do I actually need this?”

When I shop online it’s easy to buy stuff. I don’t have to have my credit cards in hand when I buy things from Amazon.com. I just add things to my cart, click “Buy” and it’s done. I used to love 1-Click shopping. I still appreciate it but it makes impulse buying a little too easy for someone like me.

As an example, one retailer sent me an email letting me know that I had $1,900 of unused credit on my  credit card. My guess is they want t encourage me to use that credit to buy holiday gifts. My immediate emotional response to the subject headline was the same feeling I get when I’m washing my jeans and find a $20 bill in one of the pocket … like “Wow, I forgot about this! I meant to spend this and i didn’t . Yay! What fun stuff can I  buy?” But $1,900 in credit isn’t $1,900 in cash. If I spent that $1,900 and then it took me six months to pay off that debt, I would actually be spending a lot more than $1,900.

Although I opted out of receiving emails from this company, it’s interesting how many emails companies send on the pretext of offering useful information. Something i’m a lot more sensitive to now that I’ve made a conscious  decision not to buy online.

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Filed under Expansive Questions, Habits, Mindfulness

Day 4: Kicking the Online Shopping Habit

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I’m not going to write a lot today. I spent most of the day out of the office running errands.

In a conversation with my friend and coach Lynn Ellis, I had some insights about the nature of addiction and finding different ways to deal with the feelings I use addictive behaviors to avoid.

The main points of our conversation were:

  • Where I feel most challenged is when I don’t feel validated by other people or I’ve disappointed them, etc.
  • But I have no control over whether or not people will approve of me. I guess as a business owner I began to believe I could and should be pleasing people (customers) and I based my feelings about how good I am as a human being on whether or not people liked my services.
  • If people don’t like my service I may not have a business but doesn’t have any effect on my worth as a human being.
  • So why did I still feel so bad about my self?
  • Lynn’s suggestion was to take time this week to contemplate who I really was. I like this idea and I’m going to use a picture of myself when I was a baby as a way to remember my “whole” self. The reason I like using my baby picture is I can look at my baby picture and see my true self without the baggage of bad decisions and behaviors.
  • That essential self doesn’t change and my essential self is whole and lovable. It’s only after I add all the layers of shoulds, coulds, etc that I lose touch with myself.

What I’m getting at here is I want to learn to love myself and have compassion for myself. I’d like to get to the point I can express myself clearly and completely in the world knowing that whatever the reactions are, it really isn’t about me. I’d like to get to the point in which my first priority is to live in a way that reflects my values.

On a different note: one reason I stopped shopping online was the amount of time I was spending on shopping sites as well as the time I spent trying things on and returning things I didn’t like. I’m already spending a lot less time on email because so much of my email was from retailers announcing “new arrivals,” sales, “the perfect party shoes you must have this season,” etc.

I was spending at least 30-minutes going through my inbox. I only spent 15 minutes on my email yesterday and today.

It’s nice to be experiencing positive benefits so early in the process. Yay!

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Filed under Compassion, Mindfulness

Self-Compassion – Buddha

Buddha Quote

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November 12, 2014 · 6:14 pm